Being the Hands of the Lord!

So this week was okay.  I am not going to hide anything back right now but I am traumatized at the moment and I am literally depressed. Before I go into it, I want to say that I am SO grateful that yesterday was Fast Sunday. I don't even know what to say right now. It is extremely difficult to even have my eyes open but I don't want to close them because all I will do is relive yesterday.

On Sunday we texted a less active member and she responded back to us with some things that sounded like suicide to both Sister McFaul and I. So we called the Bishop and then the police but they can't do anything because they don't have enough info. Sister McFaul and I both felt that we needed to go and see her and make sure she was okay. When we got there she didn't answer the door so we got the landlord and she came with us to see if she was okay ~ and she was not. We miraculously woke her up and force fed her.  If we hadn't gotten there when we did she would have died. We asked her questions and she stated that she was trying to kill herself. She even had a suicide note! We were there for 2 and a half hours and I was with her the whole time. We called Sister Dymock and told her everything ~ she told us to not go out and to relax and decompress.  We had to take melatonin to fall asleep last night. So I am in shock right now and barely functioning. I apologize for telling you this but I felt like you deserved to know. I have to keep telling myself that I helped save a life.

I am doing okay. I am still in shock of what I witnessed yesterday. It was a first encounter for me with a suicide experience and I don't know how I am feeling. I don't even think I am feeling. I haven't laughed like I always do. I don't have an appetite, but then I am starving. I talked to Sister McFaul about this and she is experiencing the same things and she had depression and that is what I am feeling. Apparently, I have never been depressed, just sad. I don't like this. I am glad that we got to help save a life but some of my innocence has been taken away from me. It is hard to function with this and be a missionary at the same time. I just have to continually remember that Jesus Christ experienced what I experienced and He knows what I am feeling and how exposed and vulnerable I feel. I have to focus on that and use the Atonement to get through this. 

Sister Schmidt overlooking Bonners Ferry

I am grateful for the Holy Ghost and for this Gospel because it gives me peace and comfort in this life. I want others to feel this way as well and not feel like they are alone because they are not. WE ARE NOT ALONE! 

Love you all and miss you.  Toodaloo!!!

Sister Schmidt